We’ve been certified foster parents now since mid-November. But our caseworker has been looking for kids for us since October. We recently found out that there have been no new referrals for refugee kids since last year. This is incredibly disheartening. The news is coming in from Syria. The situation in Idlib is even worse. And now, Turkey opened its border and refugees tried to flood into Greece, which is already housing more refugees in its camps than it can hold. Refugees are being teargassed and boats are being sabotaged to prevent them from finding safety there. Meanwhile, I have an empty bed, in a warm, safe home waiting for one or two children that we can offer shelter to. My heart stands here broken with a sign on it that says “refugees welcome and loved here”, but there is nothing I can do to bring anyone here faster.

So what to do in the waiting….

There has definitely been some depression. Some helplessness. Some frustration. Anger at our government for not doing its part to help those in crisis. Anger for the racism that flourishes throughout the world. Anger that I’m equally scared that I won’t get a placement, and that I will. I am learning that fostering and adoption are full of contradictory emotions. All I can do is stand somewhere between the longing for a child and the fear of all that child could bring, and open my hands to the journey that God has brought us to. I surrender. At least I pray I do.