My single, child-free friends have the best houses. The very walls feel like a warm embrace. I feel the most at peace in these homes. I’ve often wondered, why? Aside from the obvious differences between their homes and mine (lack of clutter, no fingerprints, no general detritus), what causes their houses to feel so uniquely inviting? What do my single people tend to prioritize in their homes that us nuclear family-types don’t?

1. They celebrate their achievements.   

My single friends are not shy about being proud of what they’ve accomplished. They hang their diplomas. They display their artwork. They frame their travel photos. They keep organized stacks of the novels they’ve read. Parents tend to only celebrate the accomplishments of their kids. Fingerpainting masterpieces, praises from teachers affixed to the fridge with cute magnets. Karate trophies or participation ribbons find homes on bookshelves and hooks. Parents are content to live vicariously through the accomplishments of their children. There is no room for their own. But I love exploring the successes of my fellow adults. I love seeing what they’re proud of. What they’ve worked for. It invites me to learn something about them that is important to them. It gives me insight into the things they value about themselves.

2. They Curate their Homes to Reflect who they are.

They are not trying to compromise with anyone. If it’s displayed on their shelf, it’s because they want it to be. They put it there simply because it makes them happy. If it makes you happy too, that’s a bonus. When their small joys resonate with me, it draws me in to a deeper appreciation of them. I understand that they are allowing me a personal glimpse into who they are, and I love them for it. They have the freedom to be unapologetically themselves in their own homes. Their surroundings reflect that. To be invited into a single-person’s home is to be invited into their souls.

3. they have quality stuff.

Their needs are not given a backseat to the needs of their kid/kids. They simply have fewer people competing for their income. They have more freedom to invest in nice things, without fear of them getting broken or damaged. They can have sharp things, delicate things, things that are difficult to wash. And they are not hidden away. They are on display and begging to be used and loved without fear.

4. they treat themselves.

One of my favorite insights into my single friends is noting what they choose to splurge on. What do they value? Is it the fancy espresso machine that they purchase just to amplify their joy of the perfect cup of joe? Is it the collection of books on a particular topic? A vinyl collection? A sword collection? Is it the upgraded bathroom with the clawfoot soaking tub? It’s easier to shop for single friends because it’s easy to intuit what they choose for themselves when they have a little extra cash to spend.

5. they create spaces that are comfortable for adults.

There has been so much focus on making the world a “kid-friendly” place. Places where kids are expected to be should be more accommodating to them. There should be toys and soft-surfaces. A general consideration for kid noises and kid needs. I think it’s great. We haven’t gotten there yet by a long-shot. But it’s been nice to see a movement towards consideration for the youngest in our populations. However, adults need adult friendly spaces too. I feel more at ease in a home with Rated R media, pointy corners and decorative pillows. I don’t want to push your kids’ robots and plastic dinos onto the floor so I have a place to sit. I don’t want to reach for a water glass only to find the only ones available are tiny, plastic and colorful. I invite the inherent dangers of being a proficient adult. I want to wield the tools I have earned the right to use. Give me all the sharp scissors, chef’s knives and breakable-china. I’m not a kid anymore.

6. they display photos of people they love.

Parents are good at hanging photos of their kids. Maybe even a wedding photo or two. But they generally lack photos of their buddies and their family unless it also contains their kids. My single friends make sure to have framed photos of their friends and family. They are rarely staged photos. Most often they feature an adventure or memory experienced with that person. These kinds of photos strike me as a celebration of the relationship, not just a capture of the person’s face for posterity’s sake. Single people don’t take their relationships for granted. They have to work to be around the people they love. Their intention to invest in their people is reflected in their homes.

In my brief stint as a single-person, I tried to employ some of these strategies in my own space. I purchased the decorative embroidered pillow. I displayed a crumbling, antique poetry book on my dresser. I printed out some photos of my friends and bought myself an expensive pair of hiking boots. I painted my room the darkest, funkiest color I could think of without considering anyone else. I felt more comfortable in my own space than I ever have before. But I still long for the spaces created by my single friends. Maybe I just miss my friends.